one year ago...

One year ago this week, my life took a turn that I still have not recovered from. 

October 3, 2008 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts.  6 days later, October 9, 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in my right breast.  We would fight this battle together yet separately, we lived 4 hours from each other... We both gave our boobs to save our lives; at least that is what we thought at the time. 

Mom finally admitted to me that she had waited almost a year after finding her lumpS to go see a doctor about it.  I said some pretty hateful things during that phone conversation.  You see, at that point, I had already walked in 3 and about to do my 4th Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk in just 2 weeks.  I was a loud and proud advocate of self examiniation, yearly mammograms and thought I knew a lot about breast cancer (fyi, I knew very little about breast cancer at that point).  I was dumbfounded by the actions of my mother, how dare she ignore her lumps considering the miles I had walked and the money I had raised to cure breast cancer!  Yep, I had made this more about me than about my mother's health.

Well, mom lost her battle a month ago on her 67th birthday.  I miss her terribly each day!  I have had things happen and think, "I need to call mom" and as soon as the thought passes through my head I realize I can't.  I wonder how to handle a situation and want to ask her advice and I can't.  I cannot fathom what the holidays are going to be like this year.  Mom's favorite holiday was Thanksgiving.  It will be especially hard this year not only because she won't be there but because I will be recovering from yet another surgery removing yet another portion of my womanhood, my ovaries and uterus.  I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene (which I did NOT get from my mother, go figure) and I want to remove any and all organs that will potentially cause cancer.  I know that I cannot remove the threat completely but I am going to do what I can. 

This year when I walk in the Atlanta Breast Cancer 3 Day I will be participating in Opening and Closing Ceremonies in the Survivors Circle.  I will be carrying the "BELIEVE" flag.  Even though I have lost my mother (and my grandmother 29 years ago) to this disease, I do still BELIEVE that one day we will find a cure and I will continue to do my part by walking and raising funds each year I am physically able to do so.